Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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