i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You smell like stripper and shame
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
