Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
