dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
