he wants to bone in the snuggie
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
