I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He did a backflip because drugs
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