I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
