Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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