we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
