No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Randomize
