his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
