Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
