can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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