ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
so much tequila, so little girl.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
