So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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