it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
