Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
