Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
