I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
