the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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