I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
