You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
