Can i not drive my cunt home
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want a musical about memes.
FUCK WHALES
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
