Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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