I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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