Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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