Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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