If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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