If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
