Will you blow on my dice?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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