when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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