Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
