I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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