can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
