Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize