i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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