so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize