I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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