I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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