You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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