wakey wakey hands off snakey
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
