I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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