he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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