Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You work out of a Hotel?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
