"it" just moved
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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