So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
