I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
