What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
