It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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