Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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