Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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