i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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