And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
