Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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