Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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