My brain says no but my pants say off.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I enjoy the company of your penis
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
