I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
