May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
