You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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