the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
