last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
