It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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