You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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