is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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