Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize