He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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