Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
