you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
